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Tomorrow is…

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Hi everyone!  I first have to apologize for being so absent lately.  I just started a new job and making the transition has been a little hectic.  But, the important thing is I’m back!  All you tripawd heros are always in my thougths, no matter where I am.  Ok, on to the good part of the post.

Tomorrow is Roxy’s 18 month ampuversary!  We are so blessed.  I realize this.  I also realize the rug could be ripped out from under our feet at any moment.  I try my hardest not to think of that, but it’s so hard with all of these impossible human emotions.  It’s been harder lately because it really seems that Roxy is slowing down.  I’m not going to lie, I’ve been worried sick lately…literally.  My stomach burns all the time from the stress I feel worrying about Roxy and whether her body is going to give out on her, or the evil cancer will soon rear its ugly head, or already has and I’m just in denial.  I’ll explain.

A couple weeks ago this quarter size spot came out of nowhere and landed on Roxy’s belly.  The skin pigmentation turned black, it swelled up and got red.  I made a vet appt.  A couple days later (and of course before the vet appt) the swelling went away and it was just a black spot with a couple bumps in it.  The vet poked, prodded, squeezed, squished, and everything else and said there was no way she could get a aspiration.  I’m to watch it and see what it does.  Of course in my head I just know it’s the cancer coming back.  I used to be an optimistic person.  But I think adulthood has turned me in to a pessimist. 

Also, Roxy has been moving around a lot less the last couple days and when she does move it seems to be much slower.  She was diagnosed with pretty bad arthritis a few months back.  I used to say I hope it’s “just” the arthritis.  I no longer say “just” arthritis.  The arthritis is horrible.  I believe Shanna pointed that out.  Now I say, well I think I would rather it be the arthritis than the cancer.  My mom says her arthritis has been terrible the last couple days, so maybe it really is the arthritis.  Maybe that is better, maybe it’s not.  I don’t know anymore. 

All I know for sure is my girl is here, now, and we truly are blessed with that.  I’m trying like hell to stay positive and just love her with all my might.  She deserves nothing less.  I’m trying like hell not to fear for her every minute of every day.  I’m trying like hell to be more dog.  I wish I was a dog.  One of our dogs.  Right now that constant innocents and stress free life sounds like euphoria.  I’m so jealous. 

Sorry for the depressing tone.  This is a time for celebration after all.  I’m just not much in the spirit at the moment.  Will all you tripawds do a little celebrating in Roxy’s honor?  Maybe I’ll feel the love and be a little stronger for her actual ampuversary tomorrow. 

Thank you!  And love to you all!

Leslie


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9 Comments »

  1. Dakota Dawg Said:

    on September 1, 2011 at 9:18 pm   

    Oh Leslie, you aren’t sounding depressing! You are sounding realistic. Depressing is saying “yes but” to a pretty good vet report. Realistic says “I want the vet to look at that black spot.”

    BUT today Roxy is here and happy, even if she has arthritis. She wants another cookie and belly rub and squirrel and whatever else she can talk you into (or out of). We will celebrate for you and with you, because you are going to celebrate an amazing milestone with an amazing friend! Congratulations on a great job of caring for Miss Roxy!

    Shari

  2. cometdog Said:

    on September 1, 2011 at 9:43 pm   

    Leslie,
    It’s okay to be scared…it just means we love them.

  3. etgayle Said:

    on September 1, 2011 at 9:54 pm   

    we’ll celebrate for you here in ET – treats for everybody!!! we understand the fear and the anxiety…but it only serves to steal the precious time we are given. keep enjoying the moments!!

    charon & gayle

  4. riosmom Said:

    on September 1, 2011 at 11:40 pm   

    Keep your chin up! I know how hard it is when you see your baby faltering. And while its easy to say you’re just being paranoid, you know your girl better than anyone, and will see the signs well ahead of the rest. But 18 months is a miracle, and you HAVE to celebrate the miracles, even while acknowledging that the future holds a heavy load.

    Rio wants Roxy to have at least two, no, make it three cookies, and nobody says “no” to the Woo!

    Hang in there, mom… and way to go, Roxy!!!!

  5. jerry Said:

    on September 2, 2011 at 12:34 am   

    Leslie, I hope the common love here can lift your spirits. Please don’t worry. Roxy isn’t. She might be slowing down but that isn’t dulling her spirit. Try to remember that (yep, it’s hard, but we know you’re up to it).

    Much love and celebration coming your way.

  6. 4hope Said:

    on September 2, 2011 at 12:34 am   

    Cookies and belly rubs for Roxy! Celebrate every day and make it special for BOTH of you.

  7. fortisdad Said:

    on September 2, 2011 at 5:39 pm   

    Leslie,
    Please don’t apologize. You’ve been a wonderful friend to your girl Roxy and the love that you two share is such a special love indeed. It’s only normal to worry but today is a day for rejoicing. Eighteen months is such a blessing and regardless of what the future might or might not hold today is a day to celebrate the miracle of of Roxy’s life. Please know that Spirit Fortis and I are sending much love and happy thoughts your way.
    Oh, I sometimes wish I was a dog as well….blind to the faults of man, of myself.

    Happy Ampuversary Roxy and Mom 🙂

    Brett & Spirit Fortis

  8. Indiana's mom Said:

    on September 2, 2011 at 5:40 pm   

    Leslie,
    All of us have gone through or are going through..or will go through what you are now… We all knew it wouldn’t be an easy journey for us as parents…but a much better one for our tripawds. They live life to its fullest without a care in the world. We are the ones who worry…we are the ones who they trust…we are the ones who they love with all of their hearts… They are the ones we spoil & love and spoil some more..and love even more!!! 18 months is truly a miracle ( Indy had 17 and that was amazing!!) Enjoy EVERY moment of EVERY day with your sweet Roxy! Celebrate with joy that she is by your side! Much love from Indiana’s mom ~Carol~~

  9. chilidawg Said:

    on September 5, 2011 at 5:13 pm   

    Congrats on the 18 months! That’s truly cause for celebration, and don’t feel bad for being sad. Cancer is scary and it sucks. Enjoy EVERY moment of every day with your girl- it is precious. Take lots of pictures and spoil your girl, she’s definitely earned it. Hugs to you- Jenna

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